I'm glad you gave your grump and crab vibes a voice. They're every bit as interesting to this reader as your happy ones. Dare I ask, in the current hellscape of trans erasure, whether "Men of Depth and Soul" makes any mention of trans men? Cuz....it should (and if it does, angels have no doubt sung and gotten extra wings as well). Also, I have *so many* thoughts about the topic of the way in which assigned at birth gender assumptions are complicated and often not very helpful at all in the end, but I shan't leave it here.
Thanks for meeting me at Grumps Cafe! I feel comfortable sharing Carl’s work because I know how skillful and inclusive he is. These words appear alongside the description of the “group council” that he and friends are starting soon: “This is open to men of any cultural background, skin color, or sexual orientation. If you are non-binary or a trans man, and are drawn to this work, you are most welcome to apply.” I believe there’s also a female teacher on the staff of this men’s council? I don’t know all the details but it sounds very balanced with the potential for great beauty <3 <3 And I suspect you do have thoughts on the topic of assigning birth gender! I’d love to hear them sometimes in one of our gabs, if it feels right. Thanks for being here, friend, and being on my group council. ❤️
While I’m glad they’re trying for inclusivity and not directly exclusive, I can’t help but notice the deliberate separating out they do with their languaging. I’m curious about why they didn’t just explicitly say that the group council is open to men of any gender identity, rather than welcoming non-binary or trans men to “apply”. Clearly I’m still cranking and grumping, but really. It is striking. This kind of subtlety can unintentionally contribute to the idea that trans and non-binary men aren’t real men.
Truuuuuuuuuuu. I'm guessing everyone is still learning and/but that doesn't mean it's okay. I get what you're saying! Sorry if I added microaggressions to your list of things to gripe about today :(
Thank you, deeply appreciate you hearing me and getting it. And this was way down on the list of worries for me today, but the cumulative onslaught has me feeling extra spicy. Thanks for making space for me here.
oh man, I LOVE all the snowy landscapes up in here!! So much to comment on! But I'm gonna lean into the Boy Mom convo! Re: you asking your doctor about the hormonal or brain differences between genders in babies, Ruth Whippman addresses this in the early parts of the book--(the part I did read so far, ha). One of the things I love about her POV is that she writes re: the data:
"It is relatively easy to co-opt individual studies in service of either nature or nurture and to do so with reasonable claim to objectivity and scientific inquiry.
As both a journalist and a parent, I have done both at different points in my life, first scouring for evidence that there were few essential differences between the sexes, that nurture was everything, and I could star in my own 'choose your own parenting adventure' story, carefully socializing any unwanted gender stereotypes out of my children with a high degree of control."
Oh man, I could go on and on quoting her! but basically now that she's the mom of 3 boys who have NOT complied to what she's trying to socialize in them, she thinks it's much more complicated. She *does* think that there is "almost certainly some innate element to sex differences." Then, she goes through the science... Shall I keep quoting? LOL. Didn't mean to write an entire Substack in the comments, but this stuff is so fascinating to me. Not just the science but the way we are predisposed to either reject or accept the "science." xoxox
I feel the first Under a Spell funded research project coming on (When I started that joke, I was going to conjure people in lab coats but now I’m thinking of you behind stacks of books in a library which could actually happen?? Kara pays your iced coffee fees! Note-taking supplies are your own though 😂) I didn’t know where to put this in my (unnecessarily gargantuan) post but someone else has added that everyone needs to read bell hooks’s “Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love.” Add to the stack!
Love this! Thanks for the reminder that grumpiness is normal, doesn't last forever, and settling in after moving is simply hard! Love, your less grumpy today than yesterday cousin ❤️
At this stage of my life, what I can count on is the grumps are always shifting 😇 Sending extra love to you as you are fresher in the new kid saddle! Xoxo
I'm glad you gave your grump and crab vibes a voice. They're every bit as interesting to this reader as your happy ones. Dare I ask, in the current hellscape of trans erasure, whether "Men of Depth and Soul" makes any mention of trans men? Cuz....it should (and if it does, angels have no doubt sung and gotten extra wings as well). Also, I have *so many* thoughts about the topic of the way in which assigned at birth gender assumptions are complicated and often not very helpful at all in the end, but I shan't leave it here.
Thanks for meeting me at Grumps Cafe! I feel comfortable sharing Carl’s work because I know how skillful and inclusive he is. These words appear alongside the description of the “group council” that he and friends are starting soon: “This is open to men of any cultural background, skin color, or sexual orientation. If you are non-binary or a trans man, and are drawn to this work, you are most welcome to apply.” I believe there’s also a female teacher on the staff of this men’s council? I don’t know all the details but it sounds very balanced with the potential for great beauty <3 <3 And I suspect you do have thoughts on the topic of assigning birth gender! I’d love to hear them sometimes in one of our gabs, if it feels right. Thanks for being here, friend, and being on my group council. ❤️
While I’m glad they’re trying for inclusivity and not directly exclusive, I can’t help but notice the deliberate separating out they do with their languaging. I’m curious about why they didn’t just explicitly say that the group council is open to men of any gender identity, rather than welcoming non-binary or trans men to “apply”. Clearly I’m still cranking and grumping, but really. It is striking. This kind of subtlety can unintentionally contribute to the idea that trans and non-binary men aren’t real men.
Truuuuuuuuuuu. I'm guessing everyone is still learning and/but that doesn't mean it's okay. I get what you're saying! Sorry if I added microaggressions to your list of things to gripe about today :(
Thank you, deeply appreciate you hearing me and getting it. And this was way down on the list of worries for me today, but the cumulative onslaught has me feeling extra spicy. Thanks for making space for me here.
Would love to have witnessed the “ Dollar Tree party.” Sounds like a lot of fun.
oh man, I LOVE all the snowy landscapes up in here!! So much to comment on! But I'm gonna lean into the Boy Mom convo! Re: you asking your doctor about the hormonal or brain differences between genders in babies, Ruth Whippman addresses this in the early parts of the book--(the part I did read so far, ha). One of the things I love about her POV is that she writes re: the data:
"It is relatively easy to co-opt individual studies in service of either nature or nurture and to do so with reasonable claim to objectivity and scientific inquiry.
As both a journalist and a parent, I have done both at different points in my life, first scouring for evidence that there were few essential differences between the sexes, that nurture was everything, and I could star in my own 'choose your own parenting adventure' story, carefully socializing any unwanted gender stereotypes out of my children with a high degree of control."
Oh man, I could go on and on quoting her! but basically now that she's the mom of 3 boys who have NOT complied to what she's trying to socialize in them, she thinks it's much more complicated. She *does* think that there is "almost certainly some innate element to sex differences." Then, she goes through the science... Shall I keep quoting? LOL. Didn't mean to write an entire Substack in the comments, but this stuff is so fascinating to me. Not just the science but the way we are predisposed to either reject or accept the "science." xoxox
I feel the first Under a Spell funded research project coming on (When I started that joke, I was going to conjure people in lab coats but now I’m thinking of you behind stacks of books in a library which could actually happen?? Kara pays your iced coffee fees! Note-taking supplies are your own though 😂) I didn’t know where to put this in my (unnecessarily gargantuan) post but someone else has added that everyone needs to read bell hooks’s “Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love.” Add to the stack!
Love this! Thanks for the reminder that grumpiness is normal, doesn't last forever, and settling in after moving is simply hard! Love, your less grumpy today than yesterday cousin ❤️
At this stage of my life, what I can count on is the grumps are always shifting 😇 Sending extra love to you as you are fresher in the new kid saddle! Xoxo