First, We Make the Beast Beautiful

Sarah Wilson's memoir on anxiety, plus shadow work and shadows among us

Hello my loves

picture of us linking arms

I’ve been thinking a lot about anxiety lately, how it steadily accompanies one’s edge, pretty much no matter what. I’ve especially been thinking about anxiety in terms of the writing life. When writing is going well, there can be an absence of anxiety, but even then, there’s an underlying, somewhat haunting feeling, an understanding that it will be back and usually soon.

Martha Beck has a new book out called Beyond Anxiety (which I haven’t read). I appreciate her highlight that the link between creativity and anxiety is almost like an on/off switch. According to her research (and I experience this all the time), you can toggle between anxiety and creativity. When one is on, it sort of shuts the other off.

For instance: make a collage, anxiety goes down (this is why I knit, and why cooking almost always instantly soothes me). Skip making a thing (a coloring page, a letter, a book), and watch anxiety have a field day in your life and mind. I’m oversimplifying Martha’s discoveries (probably should read the book) but right now I’m most interested in working with my anxiety - noticing where it spikes (especially in the realm of writing) and how to make space for it, instead of shaming it or boxing it out. At this point in my life, I am recognizing that anxiety is not necessarily a sign that something is wrong or that I’m on the wrong path. Sometimes, it’s simply pointing to the part of me having big feelings right then.